Eyes wide open

“Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.”

Apparently this is an old African proverb and I’m pondering it today. I’m trying to keep my eyes wide open at the moment as if I close them I will be dreaming and I don’t want to miss important cues from reality. How wide is too wide though? Can you be too analytical.? I’m being told off by married people for not taking a chance, for asking too many questions, for of all things having a psychology degree – I had an analytical brain way before I did my degree though I’m sure.

In my old career my whole role was finding out what was wrong and fixing it, I love problem solving but I really do have to watch the e to carry that into my personal life.

What is interesting is that a good portion of my single friends who know about J (the boy I met in Sydney) are telling me to be cautious and not to go out there to see him etc. Whereas the married ones are sayng go for it! Isn’t that interesting? What does that say about single people? Even people like my mum are excited about it. I think now I’ve done the “poll” and got some opinions I will probably keep quiet as things progress (if they progress) as I don’t want a chorus of “I told you so” when I get back into the country. Nothing ventured, nothing gained though. At least I have this blog to vent, if no one ever reads then that’s fine, but the advice of random strangers would also be appreciated.

But you know, it’s not that my eyes aren’t wide open, it’s just that I don’t have enough information yet. It’s kind of frustrating in a way that I have to go to the other side of the world to figure stuff out that a few more dates would have taken care of. Yes, I probably should have made more time for J in Sydney, but I really wanted to spend time with my old friends rather than a random guy from the other side of the world that I didn’t think I’d see again. Which is the right thing for single 30 year old woman to do.

I’m also trying to have my focus on the cultural differences. When you marry someone from a different country, you marry their culture too and I’m not sure if I like that idea totally. If he was British, or Australian or something more similar to me I might not have these concerns but I’m not going to be naive.  And will my friends and family like him? Will he fit in? Should I even worry about such things? There goes my analytical brain again, whirling around like a hamster in a wheel. 

You know what’s so hard? I just don’t know a lot of stuff about him and I don’t think I’m going to find out unless I go to the other side of the world and spend a week with him! The control freak in me hates that idea. But the romantic in me sort of secretly loves it. It’s the kind of thing I always dreamed of and I think I’d resigned myself to the thought that life couldn’t possibly ever be that exciting.

Odd one out…

I had a fabulously, busy and social weekend which is just what a single girl needs at this time of the year! Friday night kicked off with a fantastic night on the town with some old school girlfriends (I don’t think we’ve done anything like that ever actually) and ended sharing a hotel bed at 4am with them as we tried to get a few hours sleep.

Saturday I headed off with a friend Fiona and a couple of her friends to the beach north of my city and I managed to escaped being physically active and had a big snooze. We finished with fish and chips on the beach for dinner which was great fun and very rare for me to eat. They do taste good though, mmmmmm.

Sunday I went to church and my favourite ever Pastor was speaking and it was wonderful. I could actually outline his entire sermon I think if I had to as he’s such a good teacher. He related a Cholera outbreak in Soho in 1851 with spiritual matters, which you might think is very bizarre but it made perfect sense. I then headed to my old hometown for an afternoon tea with my old school girlfriends. I was the only one without children there, hence the title of this entry today. But you know what? I so didn’t care. Not one bit! I was just pleased to zoom out of there, alone in my car and blasting Justin Timberlake while I drove off to a concert. The rest of them had grumpy, sugar saturated children in various states of grizzliness. Not me! Sometimes it’s really nice to be the odd one out. Actually, I should mention that my friend’s sort of hot older brother was there as well and he’s single also. So that was actually a bonus for me as well.

At the music festival I danced the night away with some young, non-married friends and had a blast and didn’t worry about having an early night.

You know, I love it that I’m free to hang out with people and spend quality time with them. I think it’s funny that some people might have felt sorry for me on Sunday and one of my friends kept saying “you’re the smart one”. Of course I am! I actually had a really good weekend with lots of fun people and got out and about. Yes, I was just a teeny bit lonely on Saturday night when I got back from the beach to an empty house. But, I curled up with a novel and enjoyed an early night. Yes, it would be nice to have some nice strong arms to curl up in, but then you have to put up with sharing a bed!

 Life isn’t so bad really. Well most of the time.

Surreal, very surreal

Well I told the Boy that I think I’ll come out… he called yesterday when I was on my lunch break and got me talking. I’m not used to men who are so linguistically gifted. In my country, they tend to be a bit more lazy I’m sure. Hell, in my country most people don’t hook up unless there are considerable amounts of alcohol involved. Which is why my love life is so stunted I guess as I don’t drink that much!

I think he understands that I’m coming very cautiously and that it could be an expensive way to make a new friend. It feels very surreal though, getting calls from a man (I really shouldn’t say boy) on the other side of the world and having him so interested in me – on the surface anyway, I’m a bit cynical of course that he’ll tire of me pretty quick. I know I shouldn’t be.  I think a better way to describe it would be that I’m cautiously optimistic.

If nothing else, it’s nice to be treated so well.

I think I’ll go

I’ve been thinking and talking and pondering and I think I might actually say I’ll go over and visit the Boy! It feels a bit crazy and reckless, but there are so many questions that I have and I don’t think I’ll know unless I go visit. Could I be happy where he lives? Would I have a life there? Is it just too far away? Is he a decent guy? Is he telling the truth? Is the age difference to big? Is the cultural difference even bigger?

Am I just getting carried away by fantasies of him taking care of me, taking control, providing? Who knew I  liked the idea of that? I certainly didn’t. Miss Independent me!

So many questions!

 I’m curious about where he lives at least and I’d love to explore that area more so even if things don’t work out I can have a good holiday. Just for a week maybe and I’ll have cash to get myself out of trouble if I need to. I have a friend who’s sort of not far away by plane at least. 

Crazy stuff! I’m just hoping he calls soon so I can talk about it!

Could I have it in writing?

My friend just sent me the vehicle inspection report on a car he was going to buy and from that report he decided not to buy it, even after he made an offer on it as it showed the car hadn’t been well maintained and was leaking oil etc. It got me thinking that wouldn’t it be great to be able to get a full report on a man you were dating? You could find out how many prior “owners”, their mileage, any repairs that are needed and if they’d been in any crashes! Wow, that would be handy. Especially as I enter the challenges of dating in my thirties where everyone has some history. But then it got me thinking that I really wouldn’t want a report on myself, to have all the mistakes I’ve made glaring at me in black and white would be horrifying.

I guess the best we can do is kick the tyres, take them for a bit of a test drive and check for any major defects. Sometimes you just fall in love with the appearance and immediately start picturing yourself taking all sorts of trips together.

Me

I have been reading a few blogs lately and it’s got me thinking in lists of random things about myself, so I thought I’d record it. Don’t judge me for what I reveal :-)

• I really don’t look glamorous at the beach after I’ve been swimming. I have short, fine, blonde hair that gets pasted down and a large forehead. I cannot appear from the water looking like a goddess and lets not even talk about what I look like in a bikini! My skin is also a little on the pale side, so I can get burnt very quick and I always miss a patch with the sunscreen. Always.
• I don’t like gritty textured food like pears and kiwifruit.
• I turn into a fourteen year old again when I spend time with old girlfriends from school, but it’s so much fun to giggle like a teenager on the phone about boys (men).
• I hate voicemail. Really hate it. I have no problem replying to text messages or emails (I’m a bit too obsessed) but I hate having to listen to long winded voice mail messages. Most people who know me well just hang up and let me see the missed call. I don’t listen to the whole thing, you might be telling something important but as soon as I get the gist I delete it.
• I’m a city girl mostly, though I grew up in a small country town. I get excited by bright lights and big cities and the buzz and the crazy people. There’s not really a city big enough in my country to excite me like that.
• I have lots of good cookbooks and enjoy cooking. But, I hardly ever cook properly these days. It’s become such a chore just for myself.
• I always lose earrings. My world record was last week, where within an hour of arriving at work I lost a brand new earring the first time I’d worn it!
• I sleep talk and it’s mostly rubbish.
• If I spend too long alone (like a couple of days) I start talking to myself like a crazy lady.
• I love hunting out the best places to buy food and eat in a city. I always know the foodie haunts.
• I can watch Friends re-runs over and over. That series got me through some tough times in my early twenties.
• I’m scared I’m getting weirder the longer I stay single (does the food I cook taste good, or did I just get used to strange tasting things for example)
• When I’m tired, I lose stuff generally. I just get unable to keep track of anything. It’s bad when I travel. I also put things in “safe” places that are so safe I don’t even remember where I put them.
• I am useless at keeping my car clean, absolutely pathetic. You always have to move the mountain of crap to get in.

Is it all about me?

Well, after starting this blog last week, I’ve had a weekend of wondering if we’re just too self-involved in the Western world and if we just need to get over ourselves? Hmm. Though, I know with the pace of life I live sometimes I need time out for reflection and rest so I think I’ll continue to write. But I’m not going to forget some of the lessons of the last couple of days.

It seems to have been a weekend of talking with girlfriends about boy problems. Luckily, not mine (yet). It’s very girly behaviour and as a lot of my friends here are a few years younger than me I end up in the big sister role quite a lot, which is rather ironic considering my own sister doesn’t come to me for advice very often! It’s actually rather interesting to see how much I’ve grown up since I was that age. I might have lost a little bit of youthful enthusiasm, but I think that has been replaced by a teeny bit of wisdom and a bit more common sense (I hope).

I’m excited that my Senior Pastor really feels that 2008 is going to be a year of unprecendented abundance for the Church as a whole and I feel that it will be individually as well. I’m looking forward to what is ahead!

Options

Had a call from the Boy today, another one. It was interesting and I found out more about him. There are so many unknowns and I’m not sure things could ever work out. But I’m going to talk and email and see what happens I think. Who knows. It’s nice to be pursued, especially by the type of guy I could only dream of (well appearance wise). There are some interesting things in his past (and perhaps his present) but I appreciate that he’s told me. Should I go visit him? Or should I be boring?

Why does he like me? Why is his calling from so far away? Should I have spent more time with him in Sydney? Why is he not married? Is he who he says he is? Can long distance ever work? I don’t know. But at the moment I think it’s just nice getting to know someone. And, quite frankly, there is no one in this city I live in showing me anywhere near that much interest! Island boy is MIA so I’m keeping my options open.

A new stage in the journey of life?

I can’t help but think that I’m on a bit of a new path this year and I felt compelled to start documenting this ride that is life. I think I’ll keep things anonymous and just pour my heart out. Maybe no one but me will read this, maybe I’ll find some comrades. I don’t really mind, but I would like to have a record regardless.
I started 2008, well technically ended 2007 actually forming some thoughts and praying about finding myself a man. Well, a husband to be more accurate. Now if you don’t know me (which hopefully no one reading this does) then you might think I’m some sort of sad, pathetic throwback to pre-feminist times who can’t survive without a man. I’m so totally not! Truly! Up until the year I turned thirty I was fairly content with the single girl life. Of course, I was occasionally lonely but the stuff I got to do as a single person always seemed to out-weigh the loneliness. There was, of course, the fact that I was also pretty crap with men (boys) in my early twenties and I really needed to go cold turkey for a little while. My season living in the capital was a great time of growth and learning about myself and I’m so glad I was a single girl for it (most of the time).
But you know I’ve just got tired of some things. Is it the label spinster? Is it the holidays alone? Is it just that I’m actually an extrovert, who likes people and dreams of entertaining and waking up with someone you love? Hmm. Don’t get me wrong I can enjoy solo activities and have spent most of my life fairly alone actually. I grew up in the country, near a town with a population of 1000 people in a family of introverts, so I’m totally comfortable with amusing myself. Books were my best friend as a teenager! But there is so much more to life.
Getting open to finding a man in the last year has been interesting though. I have had a few dates with a nice Island boy. I did wonder more than once if he might be “the one”, but things fizzled in a way long-distance relationships can and it didn’t really get off the ground. The timing wasn’t that great for me either last year. But how long can one use that as an excuse? New city, new men you’d think – I’ve lived her for the last year and the much touted “man-drought” does seem to be in full swing. I can’t name a guy I went to University with who is actually not living it up in Blighty at the moment, or somewhere else equally fun. Am I not looking, am I not seeing the potential under my nose? I don’t think so. I just seem to see guys with girls and wedding rings everywhere I go actually.
Life is a journey and for me it has felt like climbing a mountain more than once, but I promise to enjoy the journey. Though sometimes I might have to stop and catch my breath along the way.
I did pray a scary prayer and asked God to let a good man find me. I’m not going to chase him! I’m worth more than that (I’m a Princess and worth pursuing). Not a princess in the pampered, wouldn’t get mud on her or do hard work in case she breaks a nail sense of the word. But I have worth and should be treasured. This might sound a bit precious, but I don’t truly think I’ve had a guy treat me well in a relationship before and I know it was probably due to my extremely low self-esteem in the past.
What else is happening in my life at the moment? Well, I have the sort of job I’ve been waiting all my twenties for and it’s given my life the meaning I had been craving. I’m enjoying getting to know my parents as an adult and spending time with them. I’m trying to sort out my finances, slowly. My health is doing pretty good, after a rough ride the last couple of years. And I really have some great friends, I feel so blessed to think of the amazing people in my life actually.
Will I get to the end of 2008 and find nothing has changed? I highly doubt it. My adult life has consisted of huge amounts of change every single year. Will I learn a lot, I’m sure I will but I’m hoping this will be a landmark year that I’ll look back on. But I’m going to be open to experiences (in a smart way) and see what comes my way

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