Christmas is coming….

With November about to start, the year feels like it’s doing the normal acceleration and for once it’s fine with me. This year has been sort of crappy so I think I sort of feel that when 2008 is over things might get a bit better and December is when I’m going to see my boy all going to plan so it can’t come quick enough for me.

I know I have about zero enthusiasm for the thought of Christmas shopping (especialy for people who have not bothered to keep in touch with me, let alone help me in the last five months) so I’m trying to get an early start on it, otherwise I fear it won’t happen. I really don’t want to spend a lot of money on my immediate family members for reasons obvious to anyone who reads my blog and quite frankly I don’t have the budget I’d normally have with my reduced income. I still don’t think I want to spend Christmas with them this year as if I’m not much better I think it will be too hard and I hoping J will be around anyway so I don’t feel obliged to spend several days holed up with them all.

I’m not sure what to do about presents yet as the rest of my family about embarassingly big on present giving (my love language is quality time, so it’s yet another way I feel like I don’t belong there) but with reduced income and energy levels I know I’m going to have to go the simple route. A small part of me thinks that I probably shouldn’t even be worrying about this, but I do try to be the bigger person. The other fun thing about NZ is Christmas also coincides with our summer holidays and I have to admit I’m sort of sick of spending a lot of money on stuff people don’t really need to then be broke for my summer holiday and not be able to do anything (and lots of workplaces enforce a shut down for three weeks so you have no choice but to take a holiday).

I’ve had an idea of taking photos and getting them enlarged and put on wood blocks – it’s pretty cheap and I figure the creative element will win me brownie points and I wouldn’t have to traipse around shops. Though I would really have to get out and take some more photos if I’m going to do that. Does anyone have any other good ideas for thoughtful, creative presents?

The good news is that I’ve already started my shopping – I’ve picked a few things up on sale already. So if I continue this I should get all my shopping done in November before the crowds and the heat starts. Yess! I’m also considering making Christmas cakes for people this month as I know you’re meant to leave them for about 6 weeks before you eat them (though my mum usually has Christmas cake all year round at her place as no one really eats it, you really do need to grill her as to which Christmas it came from when she serves it…. she’ll be giving it to you in September otherwise). I figure if I get the baking done in November then I can enjoy time with my boy in December and relax. Another bonus (I think) of being jobless is that I won’t have to go to any Christmas parties with drunken, pervy guys and eat tons of food I shouldn’t, though I’ll also miss out on the $100 grocery voucher that I got last year at work also.

What other ideas do people have for Christmas on a budget? Is this more of an issue this year for you?

Facebook

My ex just asked to be my friend on Facebook and I don’t know whether to just ignore the request, write a message or accept it. I really don’t want to have anything to do with him and he’s married now anyway (to an ex-friend of mine… long story) so I don’t get why he’d get in touch with me anyway. I’m actually starting to really not like Facebook which is strange as I used to be addicted! On a more positive note – you can see from his profile photo that he’s totally bald. Ew! I really prefer men with hair.

Marketing the man-drought

It seems that Tourism NZ has decided to market our country as a mecca for single men by announcing to the world that we’re in the grips of a man drought with their latest advertising campaign. I can’t say I’m upset by it… bring on floods of men looking for good kiwi lasses. The statistics are pretty grim for women my age otherwise – apparently it is as likely that a 32 year old woman will marry a man her own age as an 82 year old woman.

Long distance relationships are hard

I haven’t written much about J and I for a while but things are actually pretty good with us at the moment considering we haven’t seen each other for quite a long time (though actually it doesn’t feel too bad as I think my brain injury has made the last 5 months go by in a bit of a blur).

I’m pretty excited right now as I’m currently researching the cost of flights for J to come out at Christmas to see me! That’s the first thing that is tough – it’s so blinkin expensive to travel at that time of the year! J is a bit of a priss and in the pre-credit crunch days I think he usually flew first class. But guess how much it costs to fly first class in December to Auckland? $25 000!!! That’s enough money to pay off my student loan and still have a pretty damn good holiday so I’ve been charged with trying to find a cheaper option. He’s built like a truck so I don’t think it would be very pleasant to sit in Economy for 20 odd hours for him (and I’d suffer at the other end as he’d be so tired and grumpy) but Business class is really pricey too. Though interesting as the Kiwi dollar has crashed and burned in the last few days it’s about half the price if you fly the reverse route… I’m currently scheming about booking one-way flights and seeing if that saves some money… hmmm….

I’m also sort of scared to see him again, the uncertainty is there again that we might not get on (which I wouldn’t have had if I’d gone out in August as we planned) and I’m not really sure what he’ll be like on my turf (or if he’ll cope with my schedule now after the accident – nana naps are  an ESSENTIAL part of my day). I’m also really scared to say goodbye… I know that it will be really hard. I think if things work out I’ll want to go out at the end of summer here – March maybe as I’m sure we won’t want to be apart for too long.

The other really tough thing about long distance relationships… it’s so hard to comfort someone or help them when they’re going through tough stuff. J’s cousin was shot last week in Jamaica and I feel so useless here in NZ not being able to give him a hug or help him when he hasn’t slept all night. The funeral is going to take about two weeks to happen as well as there are only a couple of people who can do autopsies in Jamaica so there is a waiting list… I feel so sorry for his cousin’s wife as two weeks is a long time to hold off the grieving.

So in summary, long distance relationships are lonely and pretty damn expensive! Hopefully worth it in the long run.

Sore

I have sore inner thigh muscles from Pilates. Every week it’s a new discovery as to which obscure muscle group will be sore. It’s the inner thighs today…. from the weird skating type exercises I had to do on top of the pilates machine I guess. Will be walking carefully today.

Burnout and being busy

Lately I’ve been pondering further modern life and in particular modern church life and thinking more about how I let myself get so run down. Anne Jackson’sflowerdust blog often gets me thinking along these lines and I am looking forward to reading her book about burnout in the church.

Last week in conversation with my Occupational Therapist she said to me that I was probably so run down before I had the accident working too hard that when I had my brain injury I didn’t have any reserves to draw on to heal and that’s why I’m still struggling now. It really challenged me when she said that as I know she’s right. Some of that isn’t totally my fault – Endometriosis definitely has an immune function link and it does mean I’m a bit more run-down than the average person. But I know that for most (all) of my twenties I was pushing myself pretty hard – shift-working for three years, moving countries, doing busy professional jobs and trying to juggle about 20 hours a week volunteering at church etc and it took it’s toll.

What conclusions have I come to? Well I’m not really there yet and I’d love to hear other people’s experiences and thoughts on this. I don’t think the way I’ve lived my life has necessarily been wrong – other people might have been able to cope fine with it and I enjoyed serving in church most of the time too so I can’t blame church for burning me out. What I do know is that your health is the most important thing to balance and that everyone has different thresholds. I am having to learn not to worry about upsetting people if I can’t always do what they want me to do now and it’s good for me. Even in my work meeting on Tuesday there was a small little part of me that was thinking that I could just go back and make everyone happy… of course that would not work at all!

Actually, I’ve had a history of doing things like that – I went back to work way to soon after my Endo surgery (just because they really wanted me to, I was still in a lot of pain), I drove up and down the country and looked after dad when he had the accident on my rostered days off from shift work (when I was sleep deprived), I basically gave up a day of rest to serve in church…. yeah there is a pattern in my life and I sort of feel a bit stupid now that it’s led me to the position I’m in. I don’t regret helping people, but I do regret not looking after my own best interests more and actually now I think of it, feeling guilty about putting myself first sometimes.

I’ve had a bit of a revelation that this accident might just be a bit of a gift in disguise… I’m actually pretty lucky to be off work on almost what I was earning before and be able to focus on rest, exercise, diet and recovery. I know that this is all going to be good for my general wellbeing and not just my brain. And I’m so, so grateful that I live in a country that allows me to do this. I’m pretty sure I would have soldiered on at work otherwise and probably would end up fired.

I’m still working out what my future will look like when I’m better and what I’ll do. I have had some big dreams for God and sometimes I worry that my world is shrinking too much at the moment. But I also know that being where He wants you and doing what He wants you to do (no matter how small) is the most important thing.

Culture shock and an end

It’s been an interesting week with helping my friend get the hang of Auckland (she can almost drive to my house now without a wrong turn) and pushing myself a little too hard (I suffered for it) but it’s been sort of nice too. In the weekend I was invited to a lunch at an Indian friend’s place where I tried goat for the first time in a lovely goat curry (tastes like lamb pretty much) and got to experience for the first time that strange feeling of not really having an answer for the “what do you do” question. If I say I’m currently on ACC (compensation) I can see that people don’t really know what to make of it as I obviously look fine as well so I’m not sure that is even a good reply. Also Auckland has so many migrants that unless you’ve been here a few years you probably don’t really understand the ACC system as it’s pretty unique.

From the lunch I went with my friend to a baby shower and found a room full of African women (Zimbabwean and South African of various ethnic backgrounds) and had the BEST time I’ve ever had a shower…. normally I avoid them like the plague if I possibly can as they are incredibly boring unless you are a mother yourself (and even then I’m sure you find them boring) as every just sits around and goos over baby clothes generally and that’s about it.

Luckily I’d been warned before I got there that they can get a bit raunchy otherwise I wouldn’t have known what to do or where to look! There were various phallic shaped vegetables, naughty jokes told by the MC, sex tips given by older women and severe punishment if you broke one of the rules! It was far more like a bachelorette/hens party than any baby shower I’d ever been too. I think it showed some lovely things about their culture though, firstly that having a baby is not the end of your sexuality (the advice from older women was to do with keeping your husband happy) and it was celebrated far more than I’ve ever seen in NZ and the other thing that struck me was the respect for older women and the complete absence of any competitiveness by mothers – a real sisterhood. It was an amazing experience even if I did blush quite a bit (which would have been very noticeable considering I was the palest person in the room).

I finally was told by work today that they will be looking to terminate my employment which was a relief, but I was surprised that I wanted to shed a tear or two after. I held back but I know it may come. I’m praying that something perfect comes up for me in the right place with nice people. I totally loved my job before the accident and loved working for a not-for-profit, but unfortunately the lack of budget is a downfall when things like this happen.

Right, well I’m off for a bike ride now – I’ve got my sexy new padded bike shorts on already (they are life-changing I swear… like sitting on a cushion).

Clueless Christian dating….

I have been reading Kara’s blog with interest over the last few months as she navigates dating in a tiny little city in NZ and being set up by her Pastors (oh, if we were all so lucky… but I know her Pastors are great people so I’m sort of jealous) and her recent escapades with someone she went on two disastrous dates with have really got me thinking that I need to write a book or do seminars or something to help poor Kiwi Christians date better…..

The Christian guys I know say that they don’t ask more girls out at church (well the over 30 guys anyway) as they don’t want to be seen as ‘players’ who date their way through the churches and I think they’re all really scared that a coffee date means that the girl goes home and starts planning the colour scheme for the wedding.

In my extensive experience (well, a sum total of about 5 dates with guys from church) most of us educated, career minded girls are probably just as gun-shy as they are if we’re single in our thirties and we’d wait at least til the 3rd date before we started buying bridal magazines (I’m kidding….. well sort of) so they really don’t need to worry. In case in guys are reading this – trust me you REALLY don’t need to have a meeting to ‘break-up’ with someone after two not particularly great days that you didn’t even pay for. Seriously. We have busy lives and we’ve probably moved on.

So you might be wondering if we don’t really know how to date here how anyone actually gets together….. I’m not sure that we all do. Half the people I know are or have dated outside of church lately (including guys – what is with that when they can take their pick?) and one of my friends is moving to Brisbane as he didn’t meet the women of his dreams here…. but the only girl from church he ever asked out he did it by email! Email! Any good sales person would tell you that approach doesn’t work!

And the really sad thing, there are so many great single girls I know and you do start to worry that they’re never going to meet anyone.  Any else got any horror dating stories to share?

Turning the corner

I think I’m feeling better – I have been pushing myself in small ways and I seem to be coping… Also I know I’m feeling better because I’m no longer just grateful that I’m not wallowing in my own mess when the cleaner comes and starting to complain when they don’t do a very good job (seriously though, if you are too lazy to pick up the soap and shampoo containers and clean under them can you really say you’ve cleaned a shower?) so I must be getting better!

My work meeting is on Tuesday to resolve everything properly, my work are being a bit strange (or it could be that I’m just suspicious as I have an HR background) and are not involving the Occupational Therapists or the accident insurance company. Of course I’m not going to make any commitments in the meeting and will check things out before I agree to anything. I’m a little anxious about having to go in by myself and it’s making me really think that going back there is probably not a good idea. It is pretty obvious that I won’t be able to hack the pace of my old role (especially as they are behind in the contract now) so I’m not sure I want to be back there at all.

I’m trying not to be worried about my long term career prospects with the economy doing what it is. Things aren’t too bad in NZ yet as we’ve had about six years of quite good times and there had been a skills shortage so I’m sure it’s not as bad as the States. We have an election too in early November so it’ll be interesting to see what happens then.

Okay, have a banana loaf that is almost ready so better go!

Girls and maps….

Are we really unable to read maps? Are those stereotypes all true?

You might be wondering why I am asking, but a good friend moved up to Auckland on Tuesday and we spend a relaxing day together yesterday with me navigating from the passenger seat as I tried to get her bearings here. I live practically on the Southern Motorway (the traffic noise is horrible at times) and so getting onto the motorway is a cinch and then I wrote step by step instructions (like a paper version of a GPS) so she would know exactly how to get to the lodge she was staying it – it really, really wasn’t that hard. But I fell asleep before I got a text last night to say that she was going to sleep in her car in a suburb no where near where she should have been because she was so lost!!! Seriously! And she had a brand new map book on her too….

I personally have been known to get lost in new cities too (well overseas ones mostly), but I’ve never not being able to navigate myself out with a map in hand. But I have noticed that having a map for some girls is almost like giving them directions in a foreign language… they just don’t get it. Does anyone else have this trouble or is it just kiwis from smaller cities that don’t ever have to stretch themselves to navigate so they simply don’t develop the skill?

Oh and luckily my friend didn’t sleep in her car… she called another friend who managed to help her. But still…. I am very worried and wondering if I can afford to buy her a GPS otherwise I’m going to be busy rescuing her a lot.