I just saw a post on Facebook from one old class mate to another congratulating him on his engagement and welcoming him to the world of grown ups.
This makes me angry on so many levels! Firstly, is she saying that the fifty year old woman who never married, but has lived a full and complete life is not a grown up? Secondly, she got married at the age of 23 – what on earth would she know about being single and and adult anyway. Is she assuming that single life in your thirties is the same as it was for her in her early twenties. It really, really isn’t like that I can assure you.
Even though we might not have children and a husband, a lot of single people have busy and very responsible jobs, family responsibilities with ageing parents, do community service and are generally there for our friends when they need us.
I really needed to come on here and vent about this – though I’m pleased she wrote it as it confirms the sneaking suspicions that a lot of us single people have about the smug marrieds and what they really think of us.
Ben’s opinion…..often marriage (or having kids for that matter) does bring a new level of maturity. Suddenly, you go from being mostly worried about yourself, to being mostly worried about someone else….maturity. The problem is the two events do are not always dependent on each other. Why? Because sometimes God has a different plan for us, and sometimes we just do not follow the plan.
That said, Karin you are one of the most grown people I know…naturally and spiritually. The qualities that some find in marriage or in parenting, you have already found in single life. Pat yourself on the back! You are more grown up than many of the married (or formerly married…hint hint….) people I know!
Comment by Ben — July 15, 2009 @ 1:01 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more. My brother gives me a hard time for being single. They act like I am missing out on life because I am single. He got married at 20, moved straight from my parents house to their house. So, he has no idea what being single is like. He never cooks, does laundry, dishes, bills, etc. I probably wouldn’t know what to do if I actually had help doing things around the house. I guess my house would actually be cleaner.
My brother-in-law is more of a kid than me. He plays video games all the times, and my sister waits on him hand and foot. So, if he is an adult and I am a child than there is something wrong with this world!
Comment by OK Dude — July 16, 2009 @ 9:37 pm
That’s a really interesting comment – I hadn’t really thought about it from the male perspective as it’s usually women who make me feel like a kid for being single.
I definitely know a lot of guys who have the easy route with a wife, which like you say if they marry young and never leave home first is probably not such a good thing.
I definitely know if and when I get married I will have a lot of growing and learning to do, but it’s not like I haven’t had to grow and learn with every major life decision I’ve made,
Comment by kazzles — July 16, 2009 @ 9:56 pm