New Beginnings and gratitude

The last week has been pretty busy as I start my new business – it’s nothing too exciting but I just signed up as a Demonstrator with Stampin Up! and I’m busy setting up all the business and admin type things while I wait for my starter kit to arrive. I’m really excited about this as it is so much fun to create cards (I’m getting back in touch with a side of me I forgot) and it is almost even better to have something to focus on that hopefully might earn me a bit of money in the future.

I’m completely and utterly broke this week though – I got paid last night but when I checked my bank balance I thought I hadn’t been! Eek, I hate those days. Luckily I still have a fairly well stocked pantry so I’m managing to live pretty cheaply on food, but I just don’t know how people on low incomes do it all the time. I’m lucky I can cook from scratch and have lots of time saving gadgets.

The only problem is I’m completely in withdrawal over my laptop at the moment, something is not working and it has stopped charging. I am praying that they cover it under warranty so it gets repaired for free! Luckily, the drama factor is missing this time round compared to last year as the repair centre is about five minutes from my place and I could take it directly there myself to speed things up. Phew. And they text regularly with updates. It was so worth it to spend slightly more on a Sony. Take that crappy Acer.

Which brings me onto the other thing I am really grateful for – that I have such a great flatmate and my house is such a fantastic place to live now. She is even letting me borrow her laptop when I need it, which is fabulous as I live half of my life online anyway and I’m trying to start a business. The flattie had her daughter stay this last week as well and she was such a lovely 19 year old doing some great stuff with youth in a small city in my country.

The other thing I’m grateful for is the free food offers that come my way at the moment. Seriously, you have no idea how great it is to get a free meal when you’re counting your pennies like I am at the moment. Last night I met up with my little cooking group and we had all this wonderful bbq food that filled my meat quota for the week and then some. And I picked up a great idea for chorizo sausage kebabs with red peppers – very tasty and cheap.

So even though I feel really broke, life feels good and like things are on the up.

End of the 21 days

I think I was probably really grumpy last night when I posted,  I was totally over tired as I had been up since 3.30am and then was out all day which is unusual for me. The good news is that I was just a teeny bit hyperactive – dad had to ask me to slow down when I was talking a couple of times – so i think I might be feeling closer to my old self! I have been looking into a way to get a little bit of income and do a bit of work and am quite excited about it – more details to come later. But I hope it will be a fun and rewarding endeavour.

I’m at the end of the 21 days of the Daniel fast now and it’s almost 5am (what is with the early morning wake ups?) and I’m really, really hungry! I think I’m going to make waffles for breakfast, because I can, but I don’t want to wake up the rest of my house just yet. What time is a decent time to whip up a batch of waffles do you think?

Last night I think I also realised my age, my flatmate has a teenage daughter who is staying this week and she wanted to bring some friends over to hang out at our place last night at 8.30pm. I was totally exhausted and had to make an on the spot decision to say no, but I felt so old and boring for turning down a hang out on a week night! Also I was worried about the other flatmate who has him room downstairs and I didn’t want to have the noise affect him too badly. Other than that the new flatmate (and daughter) are very, very lovely. Both Luis and I really enjoying living with her and it’s so nice having someone a bit more mature around the house.

Back to the fast though, as my budget is pretty tight I unfortunately can’t just run out and buy a whole bunch of food to break it – though I am looking forward to a little bit of dark chocolate that I have stashed away and the waffles of course. I am actually playing with the idea of following a vegan, no sugar etc diet for at least one week a month in the future – I wouldn’t want to do it all the time as I think I would have to be awkward at too many social gatherings – but I felt so healthy and good and saved a bit of money as well in the last three weeks. I also wonder if it is more responsible of me to eat like this – for example I probably save at least $10 a week by not eating meat etc so that is money I can use to sponsor a World Vision child. I am still trying to figure out just how to afford my little girl in Niger, but something in me can’t quite get my head around cancelling sponsorship because I am too ‘poor’ when she is living in the poorest country in the world and hardly has anything.

It’s funny too, I thought I would want to have a complete pig out today and break the fast, but I really don’t feel like it. My dad kindly made this recipe I forwarded him last week for a slow cooked pomegranate molasses chicken recipe, so I’m looking forward to that for lunch today, but other than that I could actually continue eating the way I am. I’m glad that food seems a bit less important now to me – being a foodie there is always the danger that you can get a bit obsessed.

Right well it’s 5am now, I think I’m going to try to get some more sleep.

Wedding madness

Now, it might just be that I’m feeling overly sensitive right now about my financial situation, or are weddings and the hype surrounding them getting worse and worse by the year? NZ seems to have survived the ‘recession’ without too much hardship and unfortunately recessionista chic is not really all that popular here, as much as we might pretend.  Weddings in the last few years seem to have gotten more and more crazy and expensive and the cost of just being a friend of the lucky person getting married also seems to be escalating.

I just got the finalised details for a Hens (horrible Anglo word for a Bachelorette party), um day (it’s definitely more than a night) today and as I read through the full itinerary I realised that I would not be able to participate in anything other than the afternoon tea at a bridemaid’s house. The day will include a belly dancing lesson, then afternoon tea with presents for the bride stressed on the invite, then dinner and a show that will cost $65 minimum  and then dancing. So I’m figuring the whole day will be at least $100 if you count buying a present, parking and the other little costs.

I just don’t have $100 to spend on one day right now, especially when I have to try to scrape together enough money to go to the wedding two weeks later, which is out of town.  And I’m hoping to be able to have enough money to pay for petrol and a decent gift for the couple as well at the wedding.

I would really, really love to spend time with the Bride and spoil her, but I don’t really understand why they had to choose so expensive things to do. I know I’m lucky that they didn’t plan a weekend away or a cruise or something, which is not uncommon nowadays. But it would have been nice to have the option of going to a restaurant that I could have just ordered a salad in or something.

Is anyone else noticing that weddings are becoming increasingly crazy? If you’re at an age, like I am, that you go to at least a couple of weddings a year every year it can be a huge extra cost and I have to admit that I’m not even enjoying attending them that much alone anymore either. People talk about getting seated at the ’singles’ table, but I find that usually I’m seated at tables with all couples as there aren’t even other singles to seat me next to. There is nothing worse than being the only single person on your table at the wedding reception.

Ok, maybe the dance of shame is worse – when you stand around with a bunch of other girls and dance because there aren’t any guys to ask you all. And then you have to do the fight (or in my case stand with arms behind your back) for the bouquet and pretend you’re gagging to get married.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love wishing the couple well and love a celebration. But surely there are more sensible ways to do this?  Oh and the dancing lessons are for Belly Dancing. Yes, dancing around with your big wobbly belly out for all to see. Now I do have a shrinking, but still impressive belly, but I don’t think I want to subject myself to the indignity.

Sorry for sounding such a grump, but I like to be part of celebrations for my friends and being excluded is hard. And I would sort of like enough money for food and petrol that week too.

Quiet time reflections

Waking at 3.30am is a great way to get you to have some quiet reflective time, the early morning wake ups have been happening quite a lot since I have been on the Daniel Fast actually. This morning has been a lovely contemplative time and it my last official day of the fast. Though, I’m really looking forward to some meat I actually don’t have any money spare for food this week so I may still be doing a partial fast for a while! At least I have eggs… and chocolate! Mmmm.

Anyway, enough about food!

This time of fasting and praying has been fantastic for me, I truly have had a lot of revelation about why things have happened the way they’ve happened in the last 18 months and I am grateful for it. I began reading Priscilla Shirer’s book ‘And we are changed‘ just as I started the fast and though it had been on my bookshelf since before my accident, the timing couldn’t have been better to read it now. It made perfect sense – isn’t it funny how that often works? I’m now so grateful for this time out, away from people, away from noise as I think it’s taught me so much about who I am and allowing me to get stronger in my own identity. Someone also made the comment to me yesterday that I have insight that other people don’t have – to which I quipped about how that would explain the strange looks I get from people sometimes when I say things! Truly, I am sort of weird at times. But I think it makes me also feel grateful to be a bit of an outsider, I don’t think you truly have the same level of insight when you are right in the thick of everything and surrounded by a bunch of people constantly.

I’m also feeling happy for the shake up that happened with my friends and people around me. I think God knew that I wouldn’t give up the closeness of those friendships without Him forcing me to, so I’m glad for my accident now too. While they are great people and if any of them ever read this, I miss you in my life as well. But I think possibly some of those friendships were going to hold me back, I’m now the baby in a lot of my friendships as God has brought around me a bunch of fantastic women in their 30s and upwards and I glean so much wisdom from them. I was commenting yesterday that I am lucky now, that since my accident I have met a whole bunch of new people, but how if they stay my friend now then I know they are quality. Shallow, superficial or using people don’t make friends with the brain injury chick!

And I really am feeling better now too – I got quite down last month as I just couldn’t tell if I had improved in a while but the last few weeks have been a lot better. It is a great feeling as I have more energy for people (though it’s still a bit limited at times) and I can be a little bit more generous with my life. Most days I don’t have an afternoon sleep, but I do rest for an hour or so most days. The gym routine really helps and I am going to fight and budget to keep this as I think it’s too good for me to give up.  Oh and I’ve lost almost 2% body fat and 6 1/2 kgs now too. My goal is to lose at least another 5kg by the end of the year, I’m going easy on myself there but I think I will do it pretty easily.

The anxiety does creep in at times, but I’m giving it to God and just concentrating on what I can control right now.

Challenging thoughts

This morning I went to prayer meeting at 6.30am and at one point we split up into small groups to share what we felt God had been saying to us in the worship time. I joined a group of four other women and stood looking down thinking about what I would say, when I got distracted by the very cool boots of the woman opposite me (I’m really holy like that) as I stood there thinking wow, great boots and then my eyes panned up up and I noticed she had fantastic legs too and I kept looking up at her funky outfit and then I saw her face…. Talk about one of these things is not like the other! It took me a minute or two to click that she was possibly not always a she and I probably let some judgement come into my heart, you just don’t see people like that at 6.30am on a Tuesday morning at church that often.

As we went around and shared though, she opened her mouth and what came out was amazing and the most profound insight of the whole group. It showed a true understanding of the Word, an intimacy with God and a desire to reach others. I was challenged and encouraged all at the same time and it brought home to me that God sees the heart, even though people see the external. That as the church and believers we need to be welcoming ALL people in our doors and accepting them for where they are at with their journey with Christ. It also struck me that for most of us, our past without God is perhaps not so obvious as someone who has had a sex change or is living as a different gender, but we are all not that different. I also wonder if you are like this lovely person I met this morning whether that forces you to be more humble, more honest and less likely to walk around thinking if only we put up a good appearance we’ll get accepted.

I drove away this morning feeling challenged in my thinking, but also so pleased that a person like that can call my church home.

This morning I went to prayer meeting at 6.30am and at one point we split up into small groups to share what we felt God had been saying to us in the worship time. I joined a group of four other women and stood looking down thinking about what I would say, when I got distracted by the very cool boots of the woman opposite me (I’m really holy like that) as I stood there thinking wow, great boots and then my eyes panned up and I noticed she had fantastic legs too and I kept looking up at her funky outfit and then I saw her face…. Talk about one of these things is not like the other! It took me a minute or two to click that she was possibly not always a she and I probably let some judgement come into my heart, you just don’t see people like that at 6.30am on a Tuesday morning at church that often.

As we went around and shared though, she opened her mouth and what came out was amazing and the most profound insight of the whole group. It showed a true understanding of the Word, an intimacy with God and a desire to reach others. I was challenged and encouraged all at the same time and it brought home to me that God sees the heart, even though people see the external. That as the church and believers we need to be welcoming ALL people in our doors and accepting them for where they are at with their journey with Christ. It also struck me that for most of us, our past without God is perhaps not so obvious as someone who has had a sex change or is living as a different gender, but we are all not that different. I also wonder if you are like this lovely person I met this morning whether that forces you to be more humble, more honest and less likely to walk around thinking if only we put up a good appearance we’ll get accepted.

I drove away this morning feeling challenged in my thinking, but also so pleased that a person like that can call my church home.

Accidents, sickness and other randomness

As another week starts I feel like I’m going into battle, reading the newspapers this morning I see ‘The Beast’ (anyone who regularly reads my blog will know what I am referring to here, as down the track this might become a legal issue I’m trying to be discrete) are making some rather interesting decisions about the level of coverage they will give people. Part of me thinks, stuff them, I will get on with my life by myself and part of me gets angry. The thing that most people completely ignore when debating the level of care they provide is cases like my dad, he fell at work from 10 metre (30 ft) platform and is a miracle to be alive, but he broke so many bones and damaged his brain so much he will never be back to what he used to do. The thing is, that if he was in a country that he could have sued in, he would be a millionaire by now as he should not have been where he was anyway and it was found to be mostly his company’s fault.

Now he could be facing a reduction in income each year down to 60% of what he earned before. Which is not fair, considering he paid so much in levies previously. I have to say, something in me is rising up and I think I need to speak up for those who perhaps can’t for themselves.

Also, I found out on Saturday that my mum is getting a likely skin cancer cut from her face tomorrow. I am praying that is just a one off thing and that they can remove it and it won’t be anything more serious. Part of me also feels vindicated for how much of a complaint I used to put up when I was a teenager and my parents would force me to the beach for day trips and I’d always get burnt if I wasn’t careful.

I have to admit though, it has scared me a little. My mother’s health isn’t so great and she doesn’t look after herself very well at all. I don’t think dad would deal very well with her having any serious health issues and it has reminded me that if she dies before him then he will be a big responsibility. Very morbid I know, but I think these are natural thoughts for someone who almost lost her father a few years ago.

Financially I have almost survived this week of no income fine, I get paid again on Wednesday, though it is not very much it will be enough to pay my bills. I’m also contemplating doing the Daniel Fast (Vegan, no sugar, no processed food) thing at least one week a month in the future as it is such a cheap way to live, three more days to go and part of me doesn’t want to end it as my digestive system has been working so well. But part of me really wants to go out for lunch with my friend on Friday too! That’s the only problem, vegan living is pretty anti-social in NZ.

This week I also will be looking further into my options for work and earning income in the future, praying about this as I want to make the right decisions going forward. I can only earn a little bit while on the benefit I will be receiving but that is still a nice feeling after over a year out of work.

Right, well there is paperwork waiting to be completed so I’d better get out of bed and get to it!

A shagging parrot

This is probably one of the cutest videos I’ve seen in a while. The Kakapo is one of the world’s rarest parrots, and the star of this video is called Sirroco and he thinks he’s a people. This is not really his fault, when he hatched there were only about 90 other birds alive in total and none for him to be raised with.

Poor little thing looked so happy too!

The fast and using up my food

One really great thing about this Daniel Fast is that I have been cleaning out my pantry and freezer and using up all the really miscellaneous items that I tend to collect and forget about. As I’m sharing my house with two others and we all eat our own meals, we each have a shelf in the pantry to store our food on. The shelves are huge and luckily able to stack pretty high so I can fit an enormous amount in them, but it also means I can’t always see everything I’ve bought and I just don’t use things up quick enough.

Before I started the fast I ate up a lot of the meat and other items that I had sitting around in my freezer so I wouldn’t be tempted while I am fasting and I cleared out of my pantry all the food I couldn’t eat and stuck it in a box and hid it under the stairs. Since then I’ve been wading through all the experimental things I’ve bought in the last year since I’ve been off work and am actually figuring out what I like to have on hand regularly. I have discovered that I really enjoy Polenta – either straight from the pot or after it has been stuck in the fridge and set, black beans are now a staple in my diet and very tasty (I had never tried them before last year) and I’ve figured out which gluten free flours I like to have on hand at all times. I also stocked up on spices about a year ago, when I was on an Indian cooking binge and I have to say I’m really pleased to have a well stocked pantry so I can simply get the fresh ingredients required and make any recipe. In the past I’d read Indian recipes and not have half the spices and not be able to make them, which was always frustrating. Dried spices store well, but I think in future I will only buy small packets or from bulk bins as the large ones made for Indian people cooking for crowds all the time last way too long.

In the future I’m hoping there will be far less random food items cluttering up my shelves and that I get better at using everything up and not wasting food.

The one thing I don’t get though, is how I read so many blogs where the (mostly) mums are able to feed a whole family on like $50 a week, where I’m struggling to get out of the supermarket spending any less on that just for me! And I don’t buy much processed, pre-packaged food or wine, or soft drinks or anything else that costs a lot of money! Now my budget is extremely restricted I know I have to cut out money on what I spend on food so that will be the challenge this summer to see where I can save money. I’d also like to be able to eat the ocassional cheap and cheerful asian meal out (usually around $10 a pop) so saving a bit on my everyday spending is the only way I can do this.

I know eating less meat is a good way, so luckily I don’t mind eating vegetarian food and have done pretty well being vegan on this fast. I get my eggs for free mostly now my aunt’s chickens are laying again – free range and from a cool variety of different breeds, see:

These are the Plymouth Rocks (I think). But I am really missing eggs so I don’t know how vegans do it! I’ve decided I can last another week on the fast, but I’m going to have to go stock up on a few items at the shops today or tomorrow – tofu for one, which I love and some more fruit. I don’t get paid again until Wednesday next week and that is a reduced amount from the already $300 a week less I’ll be earning now, so I still need to be tight with money and not spend unnecessarily at all. Oh and some stupid bugs ate all my kale and are munching through some lettuce so I really need to figure out how to get rid of them, they’re costing me money!

This week

It is now day fourteen of my Daniel Fast, while to start with I didn’t think it would be a huge sacrifice as I don’t have a caffeine addiction, eat dairy or gluten and I’m happy munching on vegetarian food a lot of the time, it is now getting a little hard. I think I will probably be able to last the 21 days, but I did say all along I could stop after two weeks if I needed to. Physically, my digestive system has never worked better. I won’t say anymore about this that than, but I think I’ve realised how much strain our modern diet puts on our bodies. Spiritually, I’ve been hearing from God a lot more and making sense of things that have happened as well. I finally started Priscilla Shirer’s book ‘And we are changed’ which I think about bought before my accident and it has been sitting on my bedside table for all this time. Talk about perfect timing to read it! It totally covers pretty much everything I am wrestling with at the moment and has encouraged me with this path I am on as well.

Since the middle of September I have lost 5kgs and I’m starting to see my waist again which is nice. I actually haven’t lost that much on the fast, so I’m sort of looking forward to getting off it and getting back to my normal high protein training regime. I’m not so great with lots of fruit I have discovered.

Oh and I just found out how much I will be getting on the benefit I’m on and its enough to cover my expenses and have a little bit of money to have a life I think (pay for petrol etc). I’m yet to sit down and do a proper budget, but the money is definitely more than I expected. I just need to figure out a way to earn the extra $80 a week I’m allowed to earn now. And I think I get to keep my gym membership which I’m really happy about as I think it is good for me to have a routine and get out of the house like I do with it. Coinciding my gym trips with doing other things is going to be the key to saving on petrol I think though. Exercise really helps my fatigue levels if I get the balance right too.

Though I’m finding I don’t really want to discuss my life with everyone at the moment, I actually have a great peace about the future. I think possibly not discussing things with every nosy-parker might be helping me achieve this peace! There is definitely wisdom in not over-sharing, ah, I must be finally growing up. I’m having to give a lot of things to God and trust Him that He will find a way for me, the message I’ve definitely been receiving loud and clear is not to do things in my own strength but to lean on God, which is sort of all I can do anyway.

Where I’ve been

Since I disappeared offline for a week I thought I should share what I have been up to. It was a nice week over at our beach house, though the weather was a bit wet and pretty darn cold, thank goodness for a fireplace that kept me toasty warm.

I had some nice walks down the beach – this photo was taken early one morning.

I biked around where the really rich people have houses and thought how great it would be to have you boat moored outside your house (that is a picture of the fanciest house on the waterways)

I tried unsuccessfully to get creative with my photography (I will get an SLR again, one of these days)

I hiked up the mountain again one morning – I’ve decided I will do it at least once every time I go over as it is such a good cardio workout. My time last week was 40 minutes, I know a really fit person can do it in about 25 so that is my goal. Actually my dad could do it in 25 minutes in his early fifties, so I really need to try to beat him!

I had friends over for Saturday night, we biked, walked around, watched bad music videos from the nineties and had a lovely brunch of pancakes. That is my flatmate licking his fork in glee, seriously that dude loves my pancakes so much he almost does a happy dance whenever I make them for him. Which is not very often, poor guy.

See, pancakes make him happy.

We went for a walk to enjoy the beautiful day and I tried to get creative again

See it was lovely… the trouble was I underestimated the strength of the sun and now I look like a beetroot. Damn you ozone hole.

It was a great time alone and fabulous to have some friends come for the weekend also. Now I’m back to reality and the battles ahead.